I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
