I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
