I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
