You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
