fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
