I cut my penus on the lid.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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