Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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