I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
