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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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