soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
