You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
