the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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