Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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