Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
