My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
