He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
