she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize