Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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