I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
