She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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