well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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