Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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