Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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