covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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