can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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