im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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