I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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