i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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