that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
