Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
