I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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