I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
