I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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