did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
