i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
