So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
