you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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