HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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