If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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