What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
