OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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