She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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