I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
