I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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