In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
