woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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