I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
