So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
