Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
