She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize