Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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