I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
