I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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