Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She bit a glass in half.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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