I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
