you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
