I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
