It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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