At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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