I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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