she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
