my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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