Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
