I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
