Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
