normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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